A human getting pissed at their vampire boyfriend so they put in a silver sterling tongue stud and bracelets and earrings and their vampire boyfriend is just standing five feet away like “babe. c’mon.”
best so far.
why are substitute teachers either clueless as hell or kiyotaka ishimaru and never anything in between
"homework" *tired zombie noises*
"studying" *sad zombie noises*
"responsibilities" *disgusted zombie noises*
"internet" *happy zombie noises*
I got catcalled while I was walking the other day and I couldn’t think of anything clever to say so I just made the most hideous shrieking noise I possibly could.
I heard the guys in the car go “the fuck?”
I cAME OUT TO MY FRIEND AND
"Are we datin’? Are we fuckin’?
Are we best friends? Are we something, in between that?
I wish we never fucked and I mean that.
But not really, you say the nastiest shit in bed and it’s fuckin’ awesome.”
getting home and being able to take off your pants more like
friend: i’m getting mcdonalds you want anything?
me: i don’t have money
friend: it’s all good, i’ll pay
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